We'd like to share this beautiful poem, written by a member of our Remember for Alzheimer's community, Francis McNeilly. Thank you, Francis, for reminding us to never give up and to keep loving no matter what.
DO NOT GIVE UP ON ME Do not give up on me Do not think I am lost Keep on trying to find me Please I beg you at any cost Just because I can't always remember Doesn't mean I do not care Trapped inside my mind Is memories we once did share Please don't give up on me Because I am not the one you know I am still the same person It's just hard sometimes to show My mind has so many things that are going on inside I know when you talk to me It seem those things I hide All I ask of you is please Don't give up on me my child Even though I now seem Like I am a child just running wild I am still your mother I sometimes can't remember your name So please don't give up on me Please just keep loving me the same
Written by Francis McNeilly
Having spent a few years as a Senior Companion, which is a fancy term for someone who is committed to giving a helping hand and friendship to a senior citizen that needs this type of assistance to maintain their independence and stay in their own home. This is not always how it is done, sometimes we go to Assisted Living Facilities, hospitals, nursing homes, and sometimes it is the the home environment.
Most often we serve to give Respite care.. offering the family who has devoted their life to the care of their loved one. Most often it is Alzheimer's that has devastated their family. Respite care is the term used to refer to the act of leaving a loved one with special needs in the temporary care of another party. This is a very common custom, especially for caregivers who must attend to other responsibilities. Typical recipients of respite care are special needs children, but it is becoming increasingly common for the elderly as well as the mentally disabled.
We may perform light housekeeping, shopping, trips to the doctor, or drive to have fun, visit a park, or restaurant. We keep them safe, try to help them with memory books, talking about their lives and families, play games, or just sit. Assistance in dressing or bathroom needs are part of the care, as well. We do not do any type of " medical" or give them their prescriptions, but, we can " remind" them to take their meds as laid out for the day. We help them feel some dignity, and independence in their own environment.
The main requirement of this " profession", in my belief, is the patience of a saint, and compassion for people. The client and the client's family both need these from us.\
One of my favorite seniors, was a 72 yo gal who was famous for being an adventurer. She had divorced a man that did not treat her well, and proceeded to move on with her 3 children, purchased some land and a home, and work for Bush Beer company. She started out in the more secretarial positions, as most gals did in her time, but, soon moved down with the " boys" in the line work. She pulled her weight, for sure.
She traveled all over with her kids... they had gone to Africa, and Europe, and she went Skydiving, Rocky Mountain Climbing, lol... she was a hoot and very well loved. Then along comes that
!@#$% disease known as Dementia, and she barely knows who she is, and does not remember her own children.
Types of Dementia
Dementia is a general term for loss of memory and other mental abilities severe enough to interfere with daily life. It is caused by physical changes in the brain. Did you know how many types of this debilitating disease are under its broad umbrella?- Alzheimer's disease
- Vascular dementia
- Dementia with Lewy bodies (DLB)
- Mixed dementia
- Parkinson's disease
- Frontotemporal dementia
- Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease
- Normal pressure hydrocephalus
- Huntington's disease
- Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome
Me either until I learned more. It is terrifying, and becoming more prevalent than ever. It is the death of a brain, and that death leads to the demise of the sufferer. It can also lead to the suffering of the loved ones, and lead to their poor health as well.
That is where we come in. My " friend", the mighty , whom I had grown to love's only daughter, moved from another state, giving up a career in physical fitness, and a man she nearly married, and into the home she grew up in , reversing her role from child to caregiver of her mother. This is a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week " job". No one can do this alone... no one can have this emotional and physical stress , for prolonged periods of time with no relief or break in sight. No one can go without sleep, or eating, or going to the bathroom and take a relaxing soak ever again. The caregiver needs care.
Even as I came along, she felt guilt about leaving her mother for a few hours at a time. Sometimes, she even resented the way her mother would laugh at my jokes, or tell her to go away, because she is a "bitch" and she likes me better. Well, yeah, I get to be the nice guy most of the time, and I am not there 24 hours a day, most often.
Still, that daughter was only 40 yrs old, and needed some time to do HER THING. She needed to go out to lunch with old friends, to help her relax, have some fun, talk about herself. She needed a night out now and then, and to go to yoga at the YMCA once or twice a week. She needed to be able to go the grocery store, without fear of Mom falling, or yelling out obscenities in public. She needed to have some measure of herself, before she too became , in some way, sick or insane. She needed CARE.
My " friend" and I would go on long car rides, or to parks. On some of the car rides to nowhere, she would just be happy and talkative as can be. We drove through a rain storm once, I could barely see and maintain a speed of like 10 mph, and she squealed with delight,"Wheeeeee, isn't this fun?" Um, not so much for me, but, I smiled at her. Some days, that joy turned suddenly into fear, and she would either begin to cry, or get angry and I needed to get her home fast. I would.
I cared for her and her daughter, for a few years, a few days a week, and I loved them. Then my own illness kicked in.. I have Type II Diabetes, and my own stress was hurting my body. My glucose numbers were all over the chart, and that means... I can't keep anyone safe, as you may know, you cannot think straight if your sugar is too high, or too low. I surely cannot drive that way. I also have a really messed up back.. but, like many women, we try to shake it off and act like it's all good. Well, my body said, um, not!! I was concerned that my pain, would interfere with protecting her when she walked, or tried to run.. which she did. One day, she ran like the wind, and before I could catch her, she ran out of the house, through the porch, and into the storm, to " catch the cardboard" that was blown away from the trash. She caught it long before I caught her. My time was done.
My heart ached for her, and her daughter. Her daughter would not replace me.. no one was good enough for Mom, and I felt bad about that. She tried to care for her mother several more months on her own, and I kept in touch. I suggested to her, that it was time to let Mom go to a facility that could take care of her, and to have other people and activities to keep her busy and somewhat active. I told her it was OK.. and it was time. She reluctantly, and with much guilt, took my advice.
My friend seems to be doing as well as she can be in the facility , and her daughter is feeling better about her decision, and can now pursue some life of her own. I have cared for several other people since that time, but the emotional strain takes a toll on me as well. Sometimes, the Caregivers need care too.
https://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-support-groups.asp
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