I feel pretty sure most people would not know I suffer from this, on and off again, condition. Currently, I am in the thick of it. For me, it seems to be brought on by stress, by worrying and concerning myself over the many issues in my and my family's lives, that I clearly have NO control over. It is not sleeping when you cannot turn your mind off these thoughts. It is crying for no apparent reason.
Some days, I do not want to be alone. Some days, I HAVE to be alone. I may get very short fused for nothing at all, even with the man I adore. My diabetes is affected badly by this depression/ stress. Mac nearly took me to the ER the other day, as I burst into tears, and started trembling, and felt faint. We checked my glucose level, and as suspected, it was way too low for me, so, I had to get some sugar in me quickly via a Coca Cola.
I do not eat right when depressed. I should eat 6 small meals a day, but some days, I barely eat one at dinner. I cook the dinner, but, sometimes I lose my appetite for it soon after.
At the moment, and for the past few weeks, Mac and I have been trying to get a mortgage, and look for a new house . We currently live in an Adult Community in a manufactured home we own, but, rent the small lot underneath it. We are feeling crowded lately. There are too many rules, you can hear the neighbors talk all the time, and the rent goes up every year.
It is a very nice park. We have 2 pools for our use, and a community center where activities are available. The immediate neighbors are friendly, but, we rarely socialize with them. One of the reasons is , they do like to drink alcohol, and as I have alluded to, my husband is a recovering alcoholic, and we do not.
We are in close proximity to most of my children and grandchildren, which I absolutely love, and yet still do not see them often enough to make a good reason to stay. Yet, all of the real estate in this area, is either way out of my budget, or really awful, and would require a complete rehab.
This area of Valrico-Brandon, has too much traffic congestion, and the main exit/entrance to our park, is extremely dangerous. There have been a lot of really bad accidents in this area.
We want to find something with a bit of land around us, a bit more space. Mac wants a YARD to mow, and we need a yard for this dog of ours, to run around in.
One daughter is upset that I may not be in the immediate area, the other is hoping I come closer to her area. I am feeling pressure.
We have contacted a recommended realtor and lender. We have done searches for homes, and yet we still wait for that loan approval. I am just overwhelmed by all of this. Mac tells me all the time: " God has a plan for us, stop worrying!" " Live and let God!" I believe this, and yet, I cannot stop my mind, or my worry.
Things people with hidden depression do
I try to wake up with a plan for each day, and it rarely gets done. Some days, I am am afraid to take a shower. I have fallen 2x in there, and won't take a shower unless Mac is here anyway, but, sometimes, I can't even get myself to get in there. I have to force myself to go out, even to shop for necessities.
( This just in: mortgage on hold, as a medical bill showed up in collections on my report THIS WEEK, that should not be there, as it should have been covered by insurance. Will take an act of God to fix it for a while.)
This just plain sucks.
Well, last night I made a Stuffed Mushroom Casserole. The mushrooms I had bought were too small to stuff, and it is a lot of work to do so, this turned out just as tasty, and way easier.
Stuffed Mushroom Casserole
Yields 1 (8 by 8-inch) pan; about 8 servings ( I ate one serving, Mac ate the rest...)
1 tablespoon butter, diced (plus more to grease the pan)
1 oz Parmigiano-Reggiano, grated (divided)
4 tablespoons olive oil
2 large stalks celery, finely diced
1 large onion, diced
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1 bay leaf
1/2 lb button mushrooms (or any kind you like), thinly sliced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary (or 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary leaves)
1 1/2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme (or 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves)
1/2 cup breadcrumbs
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce*
4 oz sharp Cheddar, shredded (divided)
*To make this dish vegetarian, omit the Worcestershire sauce.
Preheat oven to 400F; lightly grease an 8 by 8-inch pan (or you can use smaller gratin dishes).
Transfer 2 tablespoons of grated Parmigiano-Reggiano to a small bowl and set aside.
Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat; add the celery and cook 3 minutes, then add the onion, salt, pepper, and bay leaf and sauté 7 minutes. Add the mushrooms and cook until all the veggies are tender and the mushrooms are browned, about 7 to 10 minutes. Add the garlic, rosemary, and thyme and cook 1 to 2 minutes more; cool slightly.
Stir together the veggie mixture with the breadcrumbs, egg, Worcestershire sauce, the larger portion of Parmigiano-Reggiano, and half the Cheddar in a large bowl.
Spread the stuffing mixture into the prepared dish. Sprinkle the remaining Cheddar and the reserved 2 tablespoons of Parmigiano-Reggiano on top, and dot on the butter.
Bake until the cheese is melted and golden brown in places on top, about 15 minutes. (Broil it for a couple minutes if you want it to have more color.)
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