It's a Cagle Thing: A Good Man Cometh aka The Day I Married my Stalker

Yesterday, May 12. was the anniversary of the day I married Mac. Yes, I married my stalker, but, this is the good kind, with a happy ending

9 years into my second marriage, something I would never have imagined possible, after ending my first after 36 years. Al and I had some good years, and I do not regret our union, as I adore our 4 children, and I do believe that in some way God and I saved Al's life along the way, twice. More on that in another blog, as this is about a good man and I.

One day, as I was walking with my very pregnant daughter, Laura, in the supermarket near my home, I felt eyes on me from behind. I turned around to see a man, stretching out to look at me, around a young woman he was with. He smiled, I smiled, and I turned around and kept on walking. He was with a young woman, after all, and so much for that.

I had joined a few online dating sites, and I would not pay for these services. They tell you it is free, but, that is not true. You can " wink" , sometimes even send an email, but, in order to get a reply, you need to pay. I was not willing to pay to meet a man. I took my friends' advice, and went to a book store, that had a coffee bar. picked out a book and a cup of coffee, and would sit, or wander. Unfortunately, most men there had families, and well, wives.

I found an interesting book titled " The Rules", , " Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, which captured my interest, and I bought it and took it home. It was written with some humor, but, also with a " Jewish" princess view on how to realize " You are a creature unlike any other... rule number one. I read this book, and loved it. The book store did not lead me to meet a man, but, it gave me The Rules.

A few weeks after starting this book, I received a short email from one of those dating sights. In between, I had actually met a few men from these sites, for coffee, in a well lit, very public place, and quickly discovered that the men I was meeting, were clearly not relationship material,let alone the rest of your life kinda guys. Not even E-Harmony's " rigorous" interviews, cleared out men that were still married, and just looking for flings Not for me, and definitely not for The Rules. Yet, there was this email, with a photo of a man in sunglasses, peeking out from behind this big white dog, with a nickname IamSoLost.

This was the photo I had posted on my profiles, one of the Glamour Shots I had done. I was 53, and I was wearing a red satin sheet.

" I have been looking all over for you, since I saw you that day." That was it. What day, where, who, when? No clue, I just deleted the note into my little trash folder.

A few weeks after that, I was chatting with my good friend Robin, whom I call Ellen, as she used that name to chat with, and its stuck forever. She calls me Smaart, as I was Onesmaartlady for chats. We used Yahoo Messenger, and even we met online in a Florida Chat room. We and several others met in person several times over the coming times, and have become lifelong friends.

While chatting in private message with Ellen, I see another message come in from a MacSmile50, that says " Hi! It's me! I have been looking all over for you, since I saw you that day!" Now, I am a bit freaked, but also a bit curious, so, I check the profile associated with this nickname, and I see the same picture. Hmmm, what to do? I tell Ellen what is going on, and she says, " OMG! What are you going to do?" " I am going to chat with him for a little bit to figure out what is going on, I tell her." She lets me know she is right there, and will call 911, hah.

I tell her I need to find out about him, and I being with," Who are you, and where did you see me?" " I saw you and your pregnant daughter in the supermarket a few weeks ago. Since then I have searched all over the Internet for you. I have gone to all the dating sites, and found you on one and you did not reply. I went to AOL, MSN, MySpace, and now I found you here!" OK, now, I was a little bit freaked, and so was Ellen. " OMG, what are you going to do?" I explain to her, that apparently this guy is a stalker, and to protect myself, I should find out as much as I could, in case I do need to report him to the police. Ellen remains on standby, as I begin to ask questions. " Why do you want to find me?" " I fell in love with your smile as you walked on by me, and the rest of me fell in love with you as you left." OK, not toooo weird? " Well, weren't you with a young woman that day?" as my memory drifts me to the man that I smiled at in the store. " Yes! That is my daughter Sammy! Can I come over and have coffee with you?"

Oh, Hell No! I don't know you, and now I report to Ellen, good grief, he lives near me, as he shops in my grocery store, holy moly. Good ole Ellen, " OMG OMG WHAT are you going to DO?" Once again I tell her I am going to find out more about him. I tell him, no, I don't know you well enough to have you to my home, and I don't know enough about you to meet you yet. Tell me more." He replies, he can show me who he is,and if I want to see something sexy, to let him use his web cam, accept his request, and he will show me. UGH!~ this man is a perv too, and I tell Ellen, who may have wanted to watch too, hahahahah, love you Ellen... She is going Oh Boy... this is bad. But, I tell him, sure, turn on the web cam, and if I saw anything on that cam that was going to look bigger on camera than it is in life, I would report his IP address and Yahoo info, and have him arrested! " LOL, Trust me" he says, riiiiight...

Well, I accept the request, and here is the man I did see in the store, and the guy in the photo with the white dog, and here are two of the most beautiful little children one has ever seen sitting in his lap. He got me. He tells me the boy is Dude aka Jordan, and the little girl is Jabby, aka Jazmine, and they are Sammy's children. I let Ellen know about the "sexy cam", and she laughed, and I requested him to share the cam with Ellen too, and who she was, etc. So, we then had a 3 way conversation going, and she began to interview him. I even got to meet " Sammy" over the cam, so, at least I could see that she was his daughter. ( At least as far as we could " see" by this conversation.) But, I am a " Rules Girl" now, and no, despite his asking again to meet for coffee, anywhere I chose.

We agreed to chat on cam a few more times, and get to " know each other", and I need to let him know my own " rules". 1. I am not looking for one night stands, if I meet someone there is a 3 date minimum before, if anything progresses past a hug. He laughed at that, calling that old fashioned, well, I am old fashioned. 2. The guy has to have a JOB. 3. He must have his own vehicle. 4. He has to have teeth, I do not care whose teeth, but, there must be teeth in his mouth. He replies he has all that, and is looking for someone to be a wife someday. He was married for 24 years, to a wife who was unfaithful, and he is lonely for a good woman. Good start.

I was chatting with him one night, while chatting with my friends from the chat room as well, and they told me to get him in the chat room so they could Interview him. Oh, did they ever, with good humor, and they finally gave him the OK to ask me out, LOL. So, we made a first " date" , for coffee, at a local Waffle House, in a very public shopping center, in broad daylight, and an area I knew well for that escape plan. Ellen also arranged for the " phone call", to come up with excuse if I needed to bail out in a hurry. I was also told by her to get a copy of his Drivers License and Tag, so, in case I disappeared, they could get the PO , so, they could find the stalker and my dead body. Confidence. I was armed.

Arriving at the restaurant, I scope the exits, and enter, and survey the customers, and spot my " date" at the jukebox, picking out some songs. He is wearing a tank top and blue jeans, and I am wearing just a casual skirt and blouse. I think he looks handsome, and pretty well built, too, he smiles at me , and points to a table for us to sit at. I cannot tell you how the conversation started, but, once it did, it never stopped. We chatted about likes, dislikes, our past, our children and grandchildren. music, movies, cars. I get my Emergency phone call,and let Ellen know, all is fine, and thanks for the call. He has been divorced for a few years, and I let him know, I was separated, and was getting a divorce, but, it had not happened yet. Time flew by, until he said to me, " Want to stay and have dinner?" I said, yes, and he then said, " So, that is 2 dates right? Coffee date, and dinner date?" He is grinning like a boy about to open his birthday present " No, Mac, this is one date. Each date has to be on separate days!"

He said, that couldn't be right, and what are The Rules anyway? Who does that anymore? I reach into my pocketbook, and pull out the book. His eyes open wide, and he said " There really is a book?" I laugh too and say, yes, and " I am a creature unlike any other." He laughs, and says, " I think that is true, and you are drop dead gorgeous, too." He is making points. Dinner over, he walks me to the car, and hugs me and gives me a little kiss. I liked it.

Chatting every night, he asks me out for dinner, and I agree to that, but, tell him I need to check my Entertainment Book, so, I can find a BOGO dinner coupon, to save him some money. He was floored that a woman would care to save him money. I AM a Creature Unlike Any OTHER! This time I give him my address, so, he could pick me up. He drives an older Ford truck. I show him the house, and he is amazed at how clean it is, and decorated nicely, he says this is how he would like to live, and that my home looks like a show room from a magazine. I smile, and say, the kids are grown, and I have time to keep it clean now. My home was clean and nice, but, it was not fancy, and I decorated nicely, but, not expensively.

We went to dinner, and we had a few drinks over the meal, and once again the conversation flowed steadily and freely. He drove me home, and I invited him in, just for us to talk some more, and as he was leaving, he grabbed me close, kissed me very passionately, and placed my hand on his manhood and said to me" I respect you, and your rules, and I will wait for you. I just wanted you to know that I am VERY attracted to you, and to remind you that this is the second date!" Hmmmm... I liked this man already.

Date 3, dinner and then home , where we got a little more frisky, leaving us both breathless like teenagers, but, he said good night, and went home like a gentleman. I almost made him come back in for MORE, but, I said good night.

The next time we saw each other, we went to a bar, and we both had a few drinks and a bite to eat, then stopped on the way back to my house for some vodka and orange juice. I am not a big drinker, but, we drank a LOT , and after a lot of laughter, and fondling, he led me to my bed, and yes, there were fireworks. Lots of them. He stayed the night, which was good for me in general, as I knew it was not just wham bam thank you ma'am, and also we had a good amount of booze, and I did not want him to drive. He left early in the morning to go to work.

He worked for Mosaic Phosphate company, where he had been employed for about 30 years at that time, and was currently a Hazmat Sand Blaster, going UP in the tanks, Down in the tanks, usually in a air conditioned and oxygen fed space type suit and helmet, to clean up the corrosion caused by the processing of the chemicals, and then to re coat the parts with special paints. He had a dangerous job, and they worked some crazy hours, and he made good money. I was working at Brandon Regional Hospital as a Respiratory Therapist

We agreed to live together, just a few short weeks into the relationship, and he moved into my home, leaving his son Doc at the home in Thonotossassa, with the agreement, he take over the bills. The house was clear, but there was lot rent, and electric to be kept up, etc. He was amazed by my cooking skills, and my love of cooking, and that I would rather cook at home than dine out. I was very fussy about spending a lot of money on food I could prepare myself, for a fraction of the cost, and usually, in my mind, that tasted so much better.

One day, after drinking quite a bit, and while my daughter Laura was present, he blurted out a proposal. She was about 9 months pregnant at the time, and he told her" I love your mother, and we should not be living in sin. She tastes like almonds, and we should be married" I stared at my daughter in shock as she looked like her eyes would burst out of her head, and she was searching for a way to be invisible and un-hear that conversation. " Marry me?" " No, Mac, I cannot marry you. First, you are drunk, and should not be saying these things, especially in front of my daughter. Secondly, we have only known each other a few months, and thirdly, I am not divorced yet!" He pouted and went to sleep.

Over the next few months, I clearly fell in love with this man. I saw a really good man inside a really broken spirit, I saw my best friend and soul mate in him, and I could also feel his pain over the failed marriage, as I had that same pain. I somehow did not even notice how often he drank, or how much, as he always seemed sober for the most part, and always was good to go to work and always ready to go, and always ready to help anyone, any way he could. Both of our parents were gone too soon, and too young, and we both loved and missed them. We adored our children, and our grandchildren.

We arranged for a weekend getaway, with me finding a " great deal" on a suite complete with kitchen and 2 bedrooms, in Lake Buena Vista, and we invited his brother and his wife to come along. We had a really fun weekend, and then he says to his brother , Phil, " Did I do good?" and he points to me, and his brother said, " Yes , Brother, you did good." That night he proposed again, and again I told him no.

Life was good as I saw it, we were in love, our sex life literally rocked, he was very respectful to me, even saying " Thank you, ma'am" to me, even after sex some nights, which I found amusing. There was a third and then a fourth, proposal, and a fifth and a sixth. He offered to pay for the divorce, if that was all that was holding me back. I still declined. I was scared, no doubt. Then we went to Ellen's, in Lake George, FL for the New Year's weekend and party. We were a wild and crazy group of friends, from that chat room, and we did New Years Eve UP! Yes, we all probably got pretty well drunk, except for Ellen who can sniff the cork and get tipsy, and myself, I am not a huge fan of alcohol , for several reasons, I have enough to get a bit high, and stop. Mac, was drunk, and he had a Plan, and he told my friends about the Plan. We were outside on the porch, not quite dark yet, and he gathered them all up, where I sat in a chair, and he got down on one knee, and proposed , nearly begging me, to set a date and marry him, and I said yes, and gave him a tentative date. He was happy, we were all happy, the fireworks went off over the water, Mac laid down on the couch and we decorated him. Good Times.

What better way to explain our party, our love, and the proposal, than a PHOTO STORY???

We plan a wedding, and I do mean WE. My friends make their lists. I tell Al we need a divorce, and he agrees and says he will pay for it. Mac tells me to find an engagement ring, and like the typical Creature Unlike Any Other, I bid for my wedding set, and his ring on Bidz.com, and win a gorgeous ring set, with over a carat of diamonds, and his gold bank with a few small diamonds in it, and my winning bind was 185 dollars for all. He said, " Are you kidding me? I knew I loved you! " LOL.

Mac wanted to be married at the beach he loves. I, on the other hand, do not like sun, sand, bugs, crowds ( told you we were made for each other)... I wanted more formal setting, but, not too formal. I decided on a great plan! I found a " Vacation Home" for rent in a town not too far from where we lived, a gorgeous 5 bedroom, fully furnished, pool home, and we rented it for the Friday before until the Monday morning after, when we would be leaving for our Honeymoon cruise. We invited family and friends, and for those that lived a good distance away, they would come Friday and have rooms to stay in instead of having to rent hotel rooms. The house had a very nice lanai area, with pool, so, Mac and I could be married by the water! HAH! I planned and made all of the food, except the rice which we ordered and brought in hot that day. We ordered all of the decorations online, and did the wedding theme Luau style, including the menu.

We stocked up Sangria, and beer, no hard alcohol was to be served, as by this time I was suspecting Mac had a drinking problem, and did not want him to marry me drunk. I also believed him when he said, he would quit drinking, as he only did it for the last few years due to his bad marriage, and it helped him be sociable, etc. He was always good to me, so, I did not think on this too much. But, for this weekend, no hard booze.

We ordered 3 wedding cakes from Publix, each in white, with one small , medium, and one large with fillings in each. We then stacked them and decorated the cake ourselves, as the cost of what I wanted would have been $360 dollars from Publix , and this was the cost was $70, with our flowers we added. Our menu was Pork Adobo, Sweet and Sour Chicken, white and fried rice, stir fried vegetables, along with cold cut platters, and rolls for sandwiches, potato salad, macaroni salad, Cole slaw, and of course fruits and snacks. We set the buffet table up by the lanai, after the wedding ceremony. My good friend Summers, whose real name is Marie, became a minister, as did I , online via the Universal Life Church, to perform our marriage.

My sister Juliette, and my brothers Bill and Danny flew in to celebrate with us, and stayed at the house. Ellen, and Summers, along with our other friends Di and Viking ( Jorn) all had a place to stay with us, and we brought in food, along with the lasagna I had made for the first night, and there was plenty of leftovers after the wedding, for the next few days. I even made the bouquets, and the place looked beautiful. My dress was bought online too, using a coupon and sale, with free delivery. ( I am that good).

Ready

My bosom buddies, Summers and Ellen

Laura, Brian, myself, Michael , and Jennifer, my family

We booked a cruise for 5 days, 4 nights on the Royal Caribbean out of Port Canaveral, and went to Nassau and the cruise lines private Island. This was our first cruise.

OK, so, out total cost for this, including our outfits, the home rental, the food, the wines, the decorations and cake, AND Honeymoon, was under $2000. Yes, I am a creature unlike any other.

Wonderful day, wonderful guests, great friends who helped me get it all done. And I got a good man under that gruff exterior, and beyond the booze and past issues, I married my best friend, my soul mate, and Yes, I married my stalker. I love you Macsmile50. Happy Anniversary.